Florida Part 1

In a need to disseminate a month in the States, I shall expound on our vacation there.

First off, why Florida? It really wouldn't be the first choice on a list of places to visit. I had been there when I was young, did the Disney World thing, and viewed the humid flatness of it all.

The main reason for heading to Fort Lauderdale was the free digs. My father owns a condo in a low security, gated retirement community. Hard to pass up not having to pay hotel bills.

Our second reason was the pull of Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.

Having had a wonderful time scaring the bejeezurs out of people at our haunted house in the Guild Hall last year, the prospect of an entire theme park transformed into a cavalcade of horror sounded like a lot of fun.

Arriving in Florida, we weren't particularly surprised by the humidity, that's to be expected. What came as an unpleasant surprise, was upon entry into the condo, discovering a large complement of dead cockroaches through the house. Apparently the person care taking the place fired off a bug bomb before our arrival, which was thoughtful, but with all the drains open and the water shut off - them bugs decided to skitter their way into the condo proper.

There isn't much that makes me squeamish, but I can't freakin' stand cockroaches. An old apartment building I lived in, in downtown Ottawa was above a Lebanese bakery, which smelled really nice - but also attracted the bugs. Watching a cockroach crawl out of the tap while you're brushing your teeth isn't an event I'd wish on anyone.

Cleaning up their dried carcasses, we moved through the house with unease, discovering a couple of live ones. Of course the one I sprayed happened to be one of the more evolved beasts that could fly. Eeeeeeeeuuuuuughhhh.

I think we should all be suspicious about cockroaches. Every time I would spray one with the killing juice, it would immediately scuttle/fly towards me - likely in a desperate attempt to land one last blow.

The condo cleaned, we moved onto the next task, getting our wheels in gear.

My father also had an old Cadillac for us to drive - a great ole boat - about as old as I am, and wall to wall white leather. What he failed to mention however, was that the insurance had expired...

Ah well.

Our first cultural forays into Fort Lauderdale involved the Seminole Hard Rock Casino, a grand example of largess, but also home to some of the best sushi we've ever had in our lives. Another point of note was the Publix grocery store, in which the next row beside the cereal aisle, was all wine and beer.

I tell you my friends, being able to buy my evenings booze and food in the same location is a wonderful sign of civilization. Is it that Canadians can't be trusted to have their liquor so accessible? Probably.

We had a couple of days to drive around the town (Google maps saved the day numerous times), and then we were off on our first adventure to Orlando, to hit the Halloween Horror Nights.

Heading to theme park, you're going to have to assume a couple of things. Firstly, you are going to spend a lot of money - natch. Second, you might be elbowing your way from one end of the park to another.

We were proved wrong on the latter at least. October/November is a pretty quiet time for the park thankfully. So we were able to hit the rides with joyful abandon.

Good ole Jurrasic Park! While the ride might be a little dated, nineties style - the pay-off at the end is all worth it. Almost in a "Is the giant animatronic T-Rex head screaming at me going to crush us all?" kind of way.

A little damp we sauntered over to the grandiose "Poseidon's Fury", a terribly dull A/V live actor experience, that involved a gorgeous zillion dollar set on the outside. Thankfully, the Twin Dragon, dueling roller coaster was able to take the taste of that experience away.

I've only had small experience with theme parks, the aforementioned DisneyWorld, and a couple of ventures out to Canada's Wonderland.

I never was really interested in any of the periphery things in the parks. I could care less about the decor, shops and displays - gimme the rides. I've been a roller coaster nut since the first time I parked my arse in a wooden beast in CW.

Universal Studios was disappointing in the coaster department, Twin Dragons was decent, and the over-hyped Hulk coaster was actually dull. The 3-D Spiderman ride was an exhilarating surprise, but what trumped every single ride - the experience that we needed to do over 9 times - Revenge of The Mummy.

It's one part A/V experience, which is okay, but the it has the most intense seconds of fast indoor coaster action - in pitch black! Now that might have made up for the exuberant price of admission alone.

Our main reason for wandering into the doors though happened every evening - Halloween Horror Nights. They take one entire section of the park, fill it with "scare zones" and nine elaborate haunted houses. And though you might be stuck in a long queue, it's that anticipation of getting to the front gates, and hearing the genuine screams inside that make it a wonderful experience.

If you love Halloween, horror, or just getting the living crap scared out of you - think about it.

This is a movie studio after all, they have the money and the resources. Many of the houses we wandered through really knocked it out of the park with theme and atmosphere. Some seemed cobbled together, and some had half-assed actors inside - but it was all worth it.

If that wasn't enough, they had hundreds of people in costume wandering around to spook the unwary. The thick fog they would pump through the park also helped the mood.

This malevolent Scarecrow was advancing on Erica as she tried
to take a picture of him. He was a part of the Oz themed scare zone, complete with evil Winkie guards on stilts, an insult shouting witch atop a parapet, and flying monkeys. Seriously, they had guys on wires that would swoop out of the fog from one end of the street to the other.


You can try and say you're not unnerved, that these are only actors, but where's the fun in that.


The whole point of these nights is to scare yourself silly.


You can imagine how many "jocky" type alpha males would try and put on brave faces for their shrieking girlfriends. Those same guys would be the ones jumping six feet in the air as an actor announces their presence behind him with the roar of a chainsaw.


There were a lot of sneaky chainsaw dudes...



And these guys, who looked distinctly like "The Gentlemen" from a favourite Buffy episode of mine. (Judge me if you will, but I will defend the value of that show.)
These guys were stationed in a Jack the Ripper themed scare zone, gliding around on those roller shoes, each one of them at least six feet tall. Tall gaunt figures with white faces, literally gliding out of the fog - now that's some good scare effect I tells ya.
We had two favourite houses of note, one involved a story about zombies, glow paint and strobe blacklights. Think blackness, flash of nothing, blackness, then suddenly a zombie is in your face.
There was also the Interstellar Terror, a whole space ship to wander through, filled with possessed crew members.
You would think that one would get tired of all that Halloween-ness, but they truly found new and innovative ways to tweak scares out of people. Even when you were sure you could see it coming, a little misdirection would pull you into the real scares.

Funny thing was, it wasn't even Halloween yet - we still had to do our thing.
We went back to Fort Lauderdale to prepare...

It all starts here -

Sorry, I was attempting to be clever.
To kind of expand on my post about cartoons, or more specifically the opening themes for some of my favourites. While Batman: The Animated Series, and Batman Beyond are by far my favourite openings, there are some great ones out there in television land. There are some themes that capture the eye, or have a particular tune that makes you watch the same opening over and over.
I noticed this trend with an obvious winner - The Sopranos -



Even though I would rent episodes on DVD, I never skipped the intro. It sets up the entire show so very well, musically, visually and thematically. Tony's drive from the city, through Jersey to his home shows so much that encapsulates the uniqueness of that show.

Here's another I can't skip - Dexter




Taking a common morning routine and turning into something so creepy and dark is a stroke of brilliance I say.

Recently I caught on to HBO's True Blood, a vampire drama set in modern day Louisiana. Sure the show can have a muddled plotline at times, and the acting a little over the top, but it is unique. Also one great tone setting opening, plus a great tune -



Two cents I needed to get out. Got yer own favourite openings? Drop me a line.

Rob Stalkie's my hero.

Though I use the term lazily, cause let's face it - Hal Jordan's my hero.
But Stalkie gets all the props for winning the Last Comic Standing Yukon contest, held at Coasters these past ouple couple of months.
A brilliant idea concocted by Jonas and Chris McNutt to get a boost to the comedy nights in general, and create a good buzz regarding the sheer amount of comedic talent there is in the North.
Stalkie always had a natural ability to keep the crowd engaged, as in, when he took the mic, people would shut up and listen. Wish I could say the same for the rest of us.
His presence was due to his lack of a persona. There wasn't much characterization going on, because that really was him on the stage. Which I think is what will make him a succesful comedian.
He's heading out to Toronto to get his name out there, and as he brilliantly said himself: "I'm prepared to suffer."
If you're brave enough to admit that, then you'll do just fine.
He's also, one funny bastard.

Hmmmmm...

This -

http://www.thestar.com/sciencetech/article/544684

Made me think of this:



Connection? I say oui!

Toontastic!

I feel the need to discuss cartoons.
A whole article in What's Up would never fly, and the only person I could have a conversation with on the subject is a few thousand kilometers away. So, a rambling I will go. I've included some Youtube links to cut and paste to your liking.
Animated escapism has always been popular in my life - from the retro '70's Spiderman:




To the ridculousness of learning through Captain Nemo:






The wonderful weirdness of the Wizard of Oz:







And the surrealness of Dr. Snuggles:







Now most of us who grew up through the late seventies/early eighties likely fondly remembers these shows, and countless others of their like - to which most will exclaim "They don't make 'em like they used to."
Now this supposition has a lot of credence due to the cartoon wasteland of the mid-eighties, right through to the beginning of the nineties. There wasn't all that much to look forward to, and then suddenly in September of 1992, the face of cartoons changed dramaticaly:



That opening makes you notice it. It stylization was so unique, and different - and many people noticed. The creators of Batman: The Animated Series took great pains to craft some real stories in these half-hour episodes, so much so, that some animated episodes are considered more "canon" than the comic books. Indeed a few characters from the cartoon - either saw their resurgence or addition into the comic book world.
The popularity of this show led to a Superman Animated series, then the impending cancellation of the B:TAS show led to a unique direction for the studio.



Now that's an opening. Batman Beyond is an unfortunately overlooked show. But the same studio leaped from this to create first, Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. Now the creators not only had decades of comics to work from, but they also pulled in plotlines and characters from their animated history. It's really sad that the JLU show was cancelled - it was consistantly better than the actual comics. The creators cared about what they doing - the story, the characters, their history - and it showed.It certainly helped that they casted some really good voice actors. An art I'd never really appreciated till recently. I submit for you some grand geeky goodness from Justice League Unlimited:



and certainly:



I don't care what you say - that's sixteen slices of awesome. "I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard." That's one of the very best things someone has written for Superman ever.
So there you go, a little conversation with myself to explore something I really enjoy. I certainly don't plan to convert anyone, nor do I ever feel guilty about my geeky pleasures. It's just sometimes: I effing love cartoons.

Jive Talkin'

So let's say you really enjoyed talking crap -

But not just any kind of crap - stoner jive. It's a term that was originally coined by my lady love, to describe only the sweetest of introspective chatter that occurs when one is - oh - shall we say - under the influence. I like to dance around subjects as much as the next person, considering I'd wager at least 70% of the territory has intimate knowledge of the subject - or let's just say - y'all know exactly what I'm talking about, right?

Good now that's out of the way -

Jiving. I had an awful lot of it last night.

When travelling, if you're like me, you like to find a place to call home, a watering hole that in some way encapsulates what we like to find at home. A nice cozy atmosphere, with a wide selection of beer is what we were looking for while on vacation in South Florida. We found exactly what we were looking for and more in the Funky Buddha -



A bar smack in the middle of retirements-ville Boca Raton. We headed there for the draw of 90+ micro-brew options, hookahs and a free open mic for me to get out some performance anxieties. (I gotta rant on stage every so often or I get squirrely - a common affliction with stand-ups)

After one evening, we had made some very close friends - including the incredibly talented Master of South Floridian comedy and all around nice feller Richy Lala, the astoundingly funny and heavily bearded Matt Z, and the guru of all things beer related - Joey Beers.

You gotta love a place where the man behind the counter can take you on random hop induced flavour adventures...but I digress.

Matt and I had some jiving to do, seeing as it was our last night in town. We covered a wide variety of subjects - but a couple of them stuck with me.

Tweens. The rise of the tweens. Having gone through the horror of witnessing hundreds of girls screaming during the piece of garbage titled "Twilight", I voiced my concern to Matt on how these 13 somethings were completely taking over, and thus ruining the entertainment industry. Some of you might say that it's all harmless pre-teen fun, but if Miley Cyrus isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, then I'll eat my imaginary hat! Hilary Duff never made me worry for my sanity - so what happened? I'm pretty sure it's tweens of the nineties that ruined pop music. Hear that you 80's music lovers - that's where you point your fingers! Matt and I might have come up with more answers, but then we moved to politics.

I told my new American pal that a small part of me had hoped that McCain and Palin would win the election just to see how crazy the world would get after that. Matt was slightly saddened but agreed that a part of him wished that had happened as well, just so his paranoid self would be able to shout: "See! I told you so! I was right!"

From politics we moved to professional wrestling, and the heyday of the art, which we both agreed had peaked around the mid-nineties, with the introduction of The Undertaker as its supreme highlight. Yes, I miss those days when I bought into it whole-heartedly. When The Hulkster was shaking he was nigh-invincible! And those were the days when a body slam was a finishing move and the sight of a chair in the ring was something rare and awesome...

While we were on a roll, we switched to the internet - and how it was a wonderful mecca of proliferation, and how it should always remain that way - completely uncensored. And then we posited that this granted people far more disposable income, since with a computer and internet connection, one not need spend a cent to receive any entertainment they desire. For example, I wish I had seen Twilight in the comfort of my own home, instead of in the middle of a shrieking hormone hurricane. So, with all of this extra cash, what will we North Americans spend our money mostly on? Food. And with extra money, we want to spend our money on the best food possible, thus we have the proliferation of The Food Network and hundreds of food related reality shows and cooking challenges. This, with the sheer amount of ultimate fighting challenges, will of course bring us closer to the neo-Roman Civilization we all unconsciously want.
Phew -
Take that to your Riverdale dinner parties my friends - amidst the looks of confusion and awkward silence, there will be a good third present who will be completely agreeing with you.
Don't be afraid of where the jive will lead you - this I have learned.

Also - don't watch Twilight.

A Quick Thought...

And a wholly serious one, before I get into a long post about our excursion into South Florida.
There's still a lot of talk, on the internets, television and such - about parkour. It had all the hallmarks of an extreme sport fad - people using urban environments as jungle gyms, leaping off ledges, swinging from streetlamps, bouncing off rooftops...
What I really ask myself every time I hear about parkour -

What's it gonna take for one of them to slap on some spandex, a domino mask and fight some crime? If you're gonna leap around a city risking your neck anyway, is it that much of a stretch to slap on tights and kick some evildoers in the face?

I think not.

If anyone needs help, I'd make for a lousy side-kick, and an even worse Alfred - but I'd be a great Jimmy.

You know where to find me.